


Last Letter

by orphan_account



Category: SHINee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 00:19:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: " This is my Last Letter . I hope you're in a good place now "





	Last Letter

Dear Jonghyun ,  
I have been trying so hard to write this letter all day . I was thinking about it when I was seeing photographs of you smiling when I was listening to your songs and watching your concert' replays and hearing your laughter on game shows . I did all of that and while doing it I only had one thing in mind , I had to write this letter .  
I repeatedly told myself I'll be strong , I'll get through this without crying and that I'll go through everything without realizing you weren't going to be here . And goddamit no matter how hard I try , tears keep coming back to my eyes . It's kind of blurry to see right now so forgive me if my words are a little bit flimsy . My tears already ruined what I wanted to write anyway . I am not strong , but I'm acting as though I am , and I'm only doing this because of you . You made me strong , so I'll just thank you for that .  
I know you're probably aren't even reading this , but this is the only way I can't get as close to you to tell you , you indeed did well , Jonghyun .   
Sorry if I'm getting carried away , let me begin this .  
I first aw you on YouTube , back when I didn't know you or the rest of SHINee, in the video you were standing between Taemin and Minho , your hair was ruffled and you were wearing a dark black tshirt. There was a beautiful bright smile adorning your face . SHINee's 'bling-bling jonghyun' , you really are something special I thought when I listened to Ring Ding Dong and instantly fell in love with your voice .   
I can't use the ' remember when you' s because I really didn't know you that much . I only have been a shawol for about three months now .   
And I am still trying to get to know you , who you really were . It's like you have these walls around you and everytime I break one wall down , I see a side of you which I hadn't ever seen before .  
You were an incomplete puzzle , and by the time we finished finding your missing piece , it was too late . You already bid us goodbye .  
I haven't been able to sleep since three nights . I always see you in my sleep , drifting far away and I want to hold you , shake you , shout at you to lead me out of this nightmare . That this can't be true , you are too young to leave us .  
I guess what they say is right , when God is in need of an angel , He takes one from Earth .   
When I first heard about your death , my phone slipped out of my hands . It hit the ground hard and it's screen cracked . When I picked it up again I felt the glass pieces cut my fingers .   
I kept on telling myself " this can't be true . The jonghyun I know wouldn't do this " Little did I know which Jonghyun was I talking about when I didn't even try to understand you in the first place ? Didn't hear your cries for help in the lyrics you sang and in the words you wrote ?  
I am very sorry about it . It'll be one of the things I'll regret the most throughout my lifetime .   
Tell me , how many times did you allow yourself to break , piece by piece , until finally deciding you've had enough ? How much did you want to cry when you felt everything and everyone was hurting ? How broken did you feel when you felt alone ? How many times did you want to give up ?   
Even though you're not here , I want to tell you , you were very brave and we are so proud of you for continuing this far . You will forever be alive in all of our hearts .  
Some people said that they saw a blue moon today .   
Is it true ?  
Have you come to visit us ?  
If yes then we are letting you know we miss you so much .   
It feels like a peace of our heart has been ripped apart   
I'm not very good at saying goodbyes , always haven't been , but I'm trying .  
I guess that's what saying goodbye is like - like jumping off an edge . The worst part is making the choice to do it . Once you're in the air , you can do nothing but let go .  
So here it goes ,  
Thank you for making us shawols believe in ourselves , thank you for always being there for us , thank you for being an inspiration , thank you for being such a caring brother to Jinki , Taemin , Minho and Kibum . Thank you for being a good , encouraging friend to the rest of the industry, thank you for being a supportive brother , a loving son , an inspirational idol and a beautiful person inside and out .  
Thank you for everything   
We love you

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been the same without you . But I'll pick myself up . I'll be strong for you .  
> You've done enough for me , now it's my turn   
> Rest easy


End file.
